Well, not surprizingly, I have started haveign nightmares about my new job. Last nights was really aweful. I woke up super anxious and afraid.. and so sad.

At said job, I carry a pager, and when a new run comes up it tells me where to pick up who and where to take them. The who part is their full name so each time this happens I worry it will be someone I know or care about and that I will be super upset.

Anyways, this fear manifest itself in a most aweful way last night- coupled with my fear that I will never learn my way around the hospital. UGg. So..

In my dream I got a page. And Todd's name was on the pager- I was frantic, I started crying and freaking out because I didnt know what was wrong with him, was he just sick, or was he dieing.. what had happened... I took off running to get to him but I got lost and I felt so helpless running around the hospital trying so hard to get to him as soon as possible. It was so aweful.

Then I finally found the room.. and he was real bad off, tubes and such all over. The curtain was pulled half way shut but I ran in and went to throw my arms around him.. but a woman was sitting on the other side of the curtain.

She didnt know me but introduced herself to me as his wife. I stopped and tried to act normal and control the tears.

We arent allowed to ask what is wrong with someone or talk to them about it unless they bring it up. Todd was unconscience and I had to push him to an exray. I wanted to read his chart and see what was wrong, but she was right there the whole way and once we got there I had to let go and leave him there.

I hid around the corner crying and frantic. I didnt knwo how to find out what had happened and if he was going to be ok.

Then I woke up. It was one of those dreams that seem so real you wake up crying and upset even though it was just a dream.